The other night we were hanging out at the fire swapping stories of high school days and what we were like back then.
I started to describe who I was, the girl that didn't have a lot of friends, the girl who went to class and usually sat in the back, the one that had no extra curricular activities, didn't attend the football games etc. I basically showed up, went to class, and that was about it.
After I started to describe who I was I stopped and said, "That's not the way I started out...it changed the first half of sophomore year" I described who I had started out to be, the girl that showed up to dances, went to some games, joined SADD, let people copy her homework, really TRIED to fit in.
Of course, the obvious question came up - WHAT happened to make you change?
I didn't realize that I had remembered this situation so vividly but still, to this day, it was a life altering situation for me and it didn't even happen to me.
I went into 3rd period Social Science class - Mr. Petropolus' class. The walls were pale yellow and sponge painted with blue and green and pink. Very pastel. The room was directly to the left of the library. I sat 2nd row up against the wall. "Mark" sat two rows over, one seat back. I'm sure we were talking about the Shi'ites or the Sunni's since that is what that class was about. Mark got up to leave the class for a moment, maybe he had to potty, maybe he forgot his homework or book in his locker, I'm not sure. Mark was a bit like me, someone that showed up to the games, would have played if he was so inclined. Maybe he did play a sport, I don't remember too well, our paths didn't cross often but when they did, we didn't have anything to talk about. He tried very hard to fit in, he always hung around the athletic boys and joined group after group. The other boys made fun of him behind his back and called him names, but they let him tag along.
So this one day - they day Mark left class, I remember I was sitting sideways in my chair, back against the wall, obviously Mr. P wasn't saying anything important or I'd have been taking notes like a good girl (ha) and I saw another boy put a tack face up on Mark's chair. Mark always sat the same way in the chair, right leg tucked under the thigh of his left. Obviously when he sat down he would have punctured his ankle. I remember Mark came back and sat down, let out a small howl and then after a look of dejection, smiled it off. I'm sure now that it was a case of boys-will-be-boys, but right at that moment it was so much more. To me it said "you can try all you want but they are just going to pick on you, give you a fake sense of family and friendship, and then they will hurt you and laugh at you". Wow hello. I don't know how long after that came out that I stopped letting people copy my homework, stopped going to the dances, etc. One girl that I pissed off by not letting her copy my work - or was it in gym class when I didn't "try" at volley ball in gym - she put a tack on my seat on the last day of graduation practice. I happed to see her do it so thankfully I didn't sit on the tack, but I don't know if she knows that I know, or remembers she did it.
Do you think I hurt myself in the long run, missed out on the "high school" experience? I can't say. I liked high school to a point. I had an after-school social life, I had friends, and the ones I did have didn't ask me for my homework and if they did they didn't put me on the back burner after they finished copying it. The friends I had invited me to their houses and into their lives. I can safely say now though, it didn't matter a lick. I have just one friend from HS that I still have now - I can't say that, let me take that back. I have some pals from HS that I still have myspaces with and exchange some messages and say hi when we see each other but there is one person (Tammy - you don't count, we didn't go to the same school). One person that has been my friend through it all - from the time we met when we were 3 to middle school, through HS (even though she was friends with all the cool kids, she let me tag along sometimes because she was a good friend like that...and most the time I didn't want to go anyway LOL) and then even today I call her one of my best friends. She even drove across Florida to see me when I flew into Orlando for 2 days. I was and still am touched. MY POINT is this -
High school was good, I had my own fun, but I did it my way. I doubt most of the people I graduated with liked me or even knew me and I have come to accept that as reality. I didn't make it easy for them to know me or like me. If I had it to do over again would I change anything? Maybe...I might have tried to make more of an effort, join in things. I know that the friends you make in HS don't often stay life long friends but it might have been nice to at least try to have another friend like Christie. Someone that would stay a life long friend.
My 15th HS Reunion is coming up in November, and I can't make it. I used to say "Why bother going, I didn't like them then, I won't like them now" and that's not fair. I didn't know them then, they didn't know me then, and I certainly don't know them now. People change after HS, life is no longer petty and silly. Experiences shape a person and they suddenly become easier to talk with - they have lives and have figured out their values and whatever. I know I have.
Of course there are some folks I didn't like then and certainly wouldn't like now....some just made my life hell because they could and there is just something mean about that that doesn't go away.
Overall - I would give the people in high school another chance if they did for me. I can't believe I just typed that LOL
I think I'd be scared to go to my reunion. I can't imagine "knowing" 160 people and going back and no one knowing me, remembering me, or liking me. Knowing that having known all these people and I made absolutely NO impact in their lives at all. I'd hate to have them all look at me like I was still the same person I was in HS, a stand-offish beatch. But is this me reverting back to the girl that wants to fit-in? I don't think so, I think it's someone realizing that having friends - any friends whether good friends, close friends, distant friends, acquaintances, - is NOT a bad thing.
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